Clarity, economy and sophistication. These are the goals of editing when Advanced English students are seeking to improve drafted paragraphs.
Consider this sample body paragraph:
Marker feedback included these suggestions:
- topic sentence could be more specific
- statement ‘directed by Stephen Daldry’ would be in the introduction
- reduce unnecessary words to improve clarity
- how are these ideas actually revealed? Include film metalanguage
- syntax error: ‘only is’ should be ‘is only’
- be positive – aim for a focus on what is there, rather than the negative – what is not there
Read this paragraph aloud and identify the changes. Is the meaning more clear?
Read a complete sample response for Advanced English Module A Elective 1: Mrs Dalloway and The Hours on the Cambridge Education website.
*image from http://quotesjazz.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/movie-quote-hours.html